love :: lessons

Have you ever thought about how nearly all songs are about love? My favourite is Bill Withers’ Ain’t No Sunshine, you just cannot beat it. But we’re saturated by it and I believe it’s getting to the point where we have just de-sensitised ourselves from love. It’s really just so sad.

An article from Thought Catalog came up on Facebook the other day called “Why Modern Dating Makes Me Want to Punch Myself in the Throat”. And what a relatable article it is.

 

Post-relationship me has realised that it’s pretty difficult being 19 and not in love. Since about the age of 13 you’ve fancied or “liked” guys or gals, and so attraction is natural. Your first relationship is all or nothing, the perfect thing you saw in Disney Princess films. And, as I’ve learned, not really achievable ever again.

I’m not sure if it’s to do with maturity levels but guys and gals are on different platforms in life between the ages of 18 and 25. Especially when it comes to maturity, but then some guys throw a spanner in the works and are treating girls better at 18 than those lads at 24. But hey ho, guess you can’t be too stereotypical in this life after all. I try to steer clear of these kind of generalisations.

But so, I read this article last week sometime on being loved when you have anxiety and the difficulties it poses. And I feel I would like to discuss it a little further and add my own perspective to the discussion. But I now can’t find it so I can’t link it. But search ThoughtCatalog and see if you can find it for yourself.

So instead I’ve spent this morning so far not just searching for that article, but for others on there related to love. And there’s so much.

There’s a particularly beautiful one that’s Christian-related and rings true for how I’ve felt before. Check it out.  So please read that before I continue. And then read this.

Ok so now you’re feeling all loved-up and teary (I would hope) over those endearing words, it’s time for me to shed some light and share two lessons.

1. Always forgive.  I remember while in a relationship there being mini quarrels. Most were petty but some needed to be had. However, we always made it work out. Forgiveness was what got us through and learning this lesson made us much stronger as a couple. I’ve taken this love lesson and used it to benefit all aspects of my life. It also applies to much more than relationships, like friendships and yourself.

2. Acceptance. Accept the things about your significant other that you can’t change. And also accept what you can’t change about yourself. You can always try to be a better person, but it’s human nature to have specific characteristics, it’s all due to your biological and environmental factors. If you can’t accept someone for who they are, then leave them be.

If you’d also like something beautiful to read, click this. The words in that are so beautiful and honest.

There’s another article I found that’s Christian-related and it resonated with me so much that I had to share my thoughts on it.

There truly is no timeline for anything in life. We’ve socially created when you need to do things, as the author says:

Maybe God wants you to realize that all these timelines were man-made by people with fixed thoughts and ideas, by people with different circumstances, by people who never even saw you and people who led different lives. Maybe God just wants you to understand that all these deadlines don’t really represent you because they weren’t made for you.

Powerful. Ain’t it. I feel like even if you’re not a Christian, this is all relevant and pretty damn relatable. Timing isn’t what we think it is. We can’t control it, yet at the same time it doesn’t control us. Just go with the flow.

Naim continues to say:

Maybe he doesn’t want you to be so obsessed with timing and how others see you, maybe he wants you to break free from all these illusions and fantasies you have for yourself and learn how to live peacefully in reality.

Reality is where we are and where we need to remember we are. I myself have plenty of illusions and fantasies of where I wish I was or will be, yet if I lived more in the present and in the moment, I may find myself more connected to others, and that is when relationships and friendships blossom.

Your love, Lord, reaches to the Heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. {Psalm 36:5}

On a side note, I want to talk about loving yourself. I am all for this, and I think it’s so important. However. I feel like it is all getting a bit too much now. We’re bombarding ourselves with “love yourself” and so many ideas of self-love that it’s all a bit confusing and too much.
If you’re going to love another human, of course you need to learn how to love yourself first. But, sometimes you only learn how to love yourself when someone helps you to bare your soul.

As I have loved you, love one another. {John 13:34}

This article is another that I relate too, and I often ask these kinds of questions every.single.day. Sometimes life is just so pressured, and things mount up to the point where I feel as if I’m about to blow. Luckily, I have felt quite at ease recently, despite having deadline after deadline. I constantly wonder why God and the world puts so much on my shoulders, but then I remember, I have much less to deal with than anyone else. I know that at the end of the day, God will be there. And when my days do come to an end, God will be there.

For you, I wait all the day long. {Psalm 25:5}

Now time to discuss dating. Lol. What even is dating anymore?

Dating is no commitment, pressure, and sex. There’s nothing to it and usually nothing blooms from it. ThoughtCatalog (once again) has three articles (this, this, this, and this) that relate to modern day dating.

Today, dating begins online. Trying to explain this to anyone above 40,particularly your parents, grandparents and the rest of your family proves to be difficult. They usually thin you’re off on a date with a weirdo, when in reality, some, but obviously not all, people meet their “true love” online. A couple words exchanged can lead to a date, or just fun, whatever the pair decide.

My personal experience of Tinder, which you’ve probably all heard of, has been up and down. I’ve made genuine friendships and hang out with these friends every so often, then I’ve dated people, and then I’ve been majorly played. But, this happens just as much in real life, doesn’t it? What I, and many others, like about online dating, is one, there’s a lot less pressure, and two, you can cut someone out of your life with the click of a button. Whereas, real life is not like that. You can walk away from someone, sure, but you can’t just delete them and expect to never see them again. I guess that’s just something you have to deal with. Not so great if it was a bad breakup, especially if you live in the same vicinity, which is more than likely.

Nikita Gill is someone I aspire to be and these words from this article of hers resonate with me, and I feel pushed to share them:

You have fire within you. Even if you do not feel like you do, you have the kind of fire that can set cities on fire and anyone who is telling you that you do not have the capacity to set the world aflame is lying to you, or is intimidated by your true potential.

Those words. Aren’t they just soul-inspiring? I love Gill’s work, and the whole article just wins at being powerful, and really getting the point across: don’t fall for someone who is still in love with someone else. Gill goes on to say:

You are not a sunflower, following his sun and then waiting every single morning for him to rise again. You are fire itself. And you deserve someone who has as much fire to give you, the kind of fire that will set alight worlds.

 Powerful. I want to write like that. 
So I guess this post is all about love, the over-arching thing on all our lives. There’s no getting away from it. Embrace it and be joyful in it. 
Love,

Anna