I realised something today: I get over things easily because I've learned to love myself.
I am who I am, and it has take me years to be at peace with so many parts of myself, so now that I am, I can't just throw that peace to the ground and crumble.
This self-love makes me resilient. I'm not indestructible, trust me, I get burned on many an occasion; but I find peace again quickly because I know my worth.
My worth is found in so much more than my appearance, my attitude, my personality, and certainly found in more than others' opinions about me.
Worth is a word that is so rich, yet can be so empty too. "You're worth it" is both an empowering phrase and an empty one. You're worth what? It's more worth you, I'd say. You don't have to be "worth it" to treat yourself.
I do think that too much focus has been out on "mindfullness". I feel, after having practiced mindfulness and meditation to help deal with anxiety, that it is something that either works for you, or doesn't. Often it is having the opposite effect – we are striving to be mindfull which is actually causing stress, rather than gently taking moments out of each day to reflect and settle the mind. And, we need to quash the link eating a plant-based diet like a Instagram food blogger has with Mindfullness, there is no distinct correlation. I love vegan food, but that doesn't mean I eat it and suddenly pretend I'm all mindfull.
Allowing yourself to be your number one priority in life is not selfish. That's a lesson I have learned the hard way so many times. Despite being very independent and strong-willed, I have this urge to always care for people and will dedicate more of my time to people than I should do. It's unhealthy sometimes, especially if the situation is one I shouldn't have put myself in in the first place.
Sometimes I feel like those moments show me my calling, as I can't do anything but not care. The caring nature my soul sees to have means everything affects me deeply, and when I discuss worldly issues or cultural or religious ones, I get passionate and emotional.
But, I would much rather feel so deeply than let important issues wash over me. I never can hold my tongue in a situation, it's both a curse and a blessing.
My language learning and therefore cultural tolerance and acceptance has led me to a place of reading situations well. I have been the family interpreter on holiday for a week now. It's not about knowing the language – I don't speak a word of Malay – it's about reading people and getting on their level. I often find speaking slowly with plenty of eye contact and a smile works; communication is very simple and we always over complicate it in fear that we won't be understood.
I want my life to be a true one. Authentic and mine. I want to choose love and spread love, adopting a positive mindset and sharing a message of hope.
Tatyana Claytor's Choose to Love on Paradigm Shift résonantes with me, and how true is this?…
And what of our lives? What message do we send? Ironically, it has become far too easy to speak words without backing them up with love. And the world who hears a million voices speaking, always speaking, still looks to see what is real.
We don't believe what we hear; we don't believe what we see; we don't believe what is in front of us. And all of this saddens me. We feel like we can't take anything at face value anymore, and I aim to still do that.
I don't want to mistrust people, or the world, I want to proudly stroll along and remove all fear, doubt and malice.
We shouldn't give our heart in pieces, we should give wholly and completely.