There have been critical moments when I wanted to move forward in my life—but I held one foot on the brake. I felt such grief at the prospect of leaving behind relationships and beliefs that were once essential to me, yet these attachments kept me weighted and weary. I’m now learning the joy of letting things go; simply because they are too heavy.
-AmyAnn Cadwell, The Good Trade
Happy Sunday readers! I thought I would put something together quickly before heading off to church for the evening. Enjoy the palm tree photo, I took that on a summers eve in Brazil back in July 2013, and since I’m, of course, dreaming of summer I thought why not. Voilà voilà.
As I’m sure you can imagine, or you may be currently experiencing it too, Final Year of university is a killer. It’s pretty awesome in the sense of making lifelong genuine friends, but it also is so overwhelming. It of course is not never-ending, however that is also a downside.
I will not deny it, I am pretty fearful of finishing university. I have hope, and I know all is in God’s plans, but part of me feels like I’m losing something. It’s just a ball-pool of contradictions in my mind at the moment, but at least all my modules are enjoyable and my dissertation is actually super-fun to write!
Les etoiles sont jamais trop loin.
I’m going to share with you some of the toughts I wrote down in my journal, since they were intended for publication(!) and I’ve been way too lazy, and preoccupied to type them up until now…
Friday 22nd February 2019
Just when I started to feel like I was conquering university, I fell foul to not even forgetfulness but lack of prioritisation. Every day there is another knock, or mistake I did not even intend to impart on te world. Bref, I want this feeling to end.
My new headache medication, i.e. a type of sleeping drug, is making me horrifically nauseous and drowsy in the mornings, but at least the headaches themselves are less frequent and attending university is much more manageable. It’s not nice to have people’s voices grate on you, and it’s never nothing to do with the person themselves just the sound. And then there’s the light, which likes to irritate my eyes. It’s actually infuriating to deal with headaches, knowing they are caused by stress yet stressing over having to not stress to not inflict them upon myself. Yes, fun life I lead (*sarcasm, my life is pretty, blessed awesome!).
Despite this week’s never-ending mishaps, I have made significant progress academically. I don’t wish to shout out abut it pretentiously, but being awarded my first every 1:1 (first) for an essay during my time studying Linguistics has overwhelmed me with joy and praise. This week has also seen me improve by a whole grade in French Oral, and I was awarded a 2:1 for my coursework comparing and discussing the potential conceptualisations of weapons by native English and native Arabic speakers. Eek! My hard work and extra, dedicated effort has been paying off. I have only two reports, two presentations, one listening test and a whole dissertation to go now…and five exams. But hey, my positive outlook and God’s grace is getting me somewhere. And I want to head in this direction always, I am so joyous!
It’s getting real now; I am graduating in four months. It won’t be long before I’m requesting tickets for the ceremony. I am so proud of myself for how hard I have been working this year, and am filled with so much joy to know I can hold my head up high on that stage and receive my degree knowing all the trials and tribulations I have been through throughout the entirity of university. I guess, all of us students can.
Sunday 10th March 2019
Ok, back to the present.
I have no idea what to expect from church tonight, and I am a little more than apprehensive. I know how silly that must sound, I’m already a Christian so why would I be nervous to go to church? And frankly, it is irrational and I know that whether in or out of those big doors of a beautiful church building, God’s grace goes with me. But I don’t know, I haven’t been to church in a while, and I dislike the thought that people don’t think you’re really a believer unless you go to church.
Anyway, let’s see how it goes… You can be sure to hear all about it soon.