navigating my twenties

I had named this post navigating 2020, but I suppose it’s more about navigating your life as a twenty-something as told by little old me.

So far, this is kind of what I expected my twenties to look like. Falling in love on the daily with the same person, distance or not, lots and lots of coffee (probably far too much), copious amounts of tequila every few months, and a lot of driving with trap music blasting out of the stereo.

I am living the dream right now.

I have to pinch myself often and wake up to the fact that my life is now exactly what I make of it.

I spent a lot of last summer scared to decide whether to move to France to be with my boyfriend. After utter turmoil, I ran for hills, before later climbing up that hill as fast as I could.

Now I see the importance of such a decision. Time needs to be taken, and it’s important to not make rash decisions in haste. We need to reflect and breathe before diving into anything headfirst.

I’m not up for relocating to France straight away, I’ve a lot to sort, and a lot to save for, before I can allow that thought to cross my mind. But my future seems a little bit more settled. I’ve been praying about it of course, and there’s a bit of a barrier that I fear. However so far God hasn’t put up a roadblock and, love is love.

Today at church, it was my turn to do the intercessions. Intercessions are prayers during the service which relate to the readings from the Bible and the Gospel. We have also been invited to add more to them.

I added,

Lord, You are the God who brings our chap into order.

You make the nations with truth and justice.

And you shine like the sun in all it’s brilliance.

Let your love loose in us and un the hearts of all those on earth.

This is taken grin both Phil Wickams’ This Is Amazing Grace and LIFE Worship’s Love Let Loose.

The prayer for today, the last Sunday before Lent, was about transfiguration as were the readings. There were some words that fit so gorgeously with the readings, as well as Heather’s sermon. I am not going to quote the whole prayer, but the following few lines spoke to me and I really felt the Lord shine through them.

Let Your light shine in our lives,

Let its brightness fill our hearts and transfigure us;

That, seeing your glory, we may come to You in awe and wonder,

And gazing upon You may be changed into Your likeness,

Moving from glory to glory.

There are moments of course where life feels a little slow. I’m not ready to settle down for real; marriage, house, children etc. But I do feel a shift towards wanting everything in my life to be serious and lasting. I am done with fickle friendships, one-time relationships, and conversations that are short and sweet.

I am beyond excited to be going to France in three or so weeks. I have so much planned, so many people to see. I am looking forward to strolling down the quais, drinking coffee with my boyfriend in our favourite coffee shop, and hopefully seeing the sea and feeling the sand between my toes. It has been so long since I’ve been to France, and this is the last time I will let it be so long. One day it’ll be forever, and I’m working towards that. Hope and hopeful.

I have been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift and Lana Del Ray lately as I’ve been trying to gather some inspiration for the novel I’ve been working away at for years. I have a plot idea, but it needs a heck of a lot of development. I’m currently doing a FutureLearn course called Start Writing Fiction which is helping to develop my personal notebook. I’ve gathered some helpful tips on how to begin and how to note down places and experiences. Maybe I’ll write a post about it for you.

So navigating my twenties has been a whirlwind so far.

At aged twenty, I was lost. Really lost in fact, I was struggling with sin, struggling with my identity, and struggling with my place in the world.

God came swooping in again when I found a solid base at Bordeaux Church and I learned more about Him and who I am in Him.

My twenty-first year brought me love but unsettled me, but by the time I turned twenty two I had clarity and understanding.

Now as I approach twenty three in late June, I feel ready for whatever life is going to throw at me. I feel grounded and secure, and aware of myself and what I need to do. There are steps I must take consciously to do better and thus be better. But I’m working towards that. I’m giving myself space and time to figure those things out, and learn g most of all to not be so hard on myself.

Love,

Anna

Love,

Anna