life :: change of heart

Soooooo hello. Again it’s been a lil while and I do apologise for that. Christmas break is nearly upon me however, so fingers crossed I’ll have some juicy (it’s never really that juicy let’s face it) stuff to discuss with you.

Today I kinda want to address something (yes it will be relatively faith-related) that’s been weighing on my heart for not just the past couple of days, but the past couple of weeks.

Now I know I’m not the only one, but this term I have found university really tough. The first month I genuinely considered dropping out for the mere fact I was not understanding anything at all. Everything was blurring by so fast and I just couldn’t keep up. Despite not even having any tests or anything of the sort, I began belittling myself, telling myself I was doing badly and that I really shouldn’t be at university.

Now ten weeks down the line, I’m glad I am still here. This term has brought me more friendships, a second term to look forward to with new prospects and course modules, and I’m getting closer and closer to spending the year in France. Something I cannot wait for; I do a big cheesy grin every time someone mentions it.

Despite all the friends at university that have got me through it, six of them in particular, there’s something greater that’s kept me going. Obviously for me this is my faith, and that I put my trust in God who I know will get me through anything I face.

So basically, I wanted to address the act of praying because I feel its a little cloudy, in the sense that people either feel stupid doing it, think it won’t bring about anything or genuinely don’t see the point. And, even as a Christian, I can say there have been times when I’ve not enjoyed it, or I’ve fallen asleep in the middle of the intercessions in church – it happens. I just hope God understands my fatigue.

Now to put something important to me out there: I have felt God’s presence the most while in prayer. In fact, I was praying when I first kinda felt that feeling and was like OMG GOD YOU DO EXIST. Sometimes I have like moments of prayer where usually I begin rambling aloud to myself and then I start thanking God for what I have. This usually happens during my daily venture to the bus stop or my departure from the bus stop. Whatever way you do pray, if you’re a Christian or of another faith, it’s massively beneficial as it opens up a one-on-one line of communication between us and or God/whatever we believe in.

Joining a different church at home changed my outlook on prayer massively. I went from an Anglican church where we had quiet intercessions, you know, eyes closed hands together to a more vocally affirming and (if you cna describe it this way) passionate way of praying in a Pentecostal church. And although, when in a church setting, I prefer the quiet as it allows me to reflect much more deeply, the new experience made me more confident to pray whenever and wherever. Being part of the Christian Union while at Sixth Form or ‘Fuel’ as it was known, also made me realise the important of praying for others and now whenever I pray it’s not just for myself but for as many people as I can think of in the silent moments.

I genuinely, hand on heart, don’t think I would get through every day as I do without my faith. I tend to be one of those people who feels lonely often, even if I’m not I reality. But at the same time, I know I never really am alone (cheese balls or what) because I always have Jesus to lean on.

But yes, there are just some little thoughts I’ve been mulling over as Christmas looms. 
And here’s are a couple of my favourite pictures of my term in Lancaster so far – campus has been made a lil prettier with some twinkly lights – yay! 

I shall be posting a belated clothing haul at some point soon as I’ve picked up a few new items (please pretend you haven’t read this mum) but for now, here ya go…


 Note to self: need to take more photos. 

Anna x


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