I’ve had this post half-written for a good six months now, and have decided it’s time to actually get it written and out there.
But before I start I just want to share this image with you:
Realistically, unless you have the upmost confidence in yourself (particularly your appearance) I bet you compare yourself to someone else EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. And frankly, I don’t think anything less of you for the comparison. I do it and I’m very aware that I do it.
I can gather many a time in my head of when I’ve compared an aspect of myself, or of my life, to someone else’s. The fact I’m not thin used to bother me so much to the point where I’d look at a girl’s legs and compare their width to mine. It became madness and self-destructive, and my valuation of my self got so low. I would compare personality traits too; like other people’s self confidence, other people’s ability to stand up and say how they felt, other people’s intelligence. And then I realised that I was spending more time comparing myself than working on my self.
The word for improve in French is my favourite word in the world: améliorer. It’s such a pretty, elegant word. But si je veux améliorer moi-même, I must focus on myself.
People in life are both good and bad distractions. We’re meant to bounce off one another, use each other for good. We’re not supposed to succoumb to temptation and ruin each other’s lives by deceiving one another and causing pain.
And, the problem with comparison is it’s disgustingly destructive. Often, you wont’t even realise you’re doing it. Comparing yourself to someone else is not something you can just turn off either, it takes time. I would describe it like a habit. The littlest doubt about yourself can lead to so much.
Comparison really is a thief of joy. You can put your faith in whatever you want, but if you’ve no love for yourself then you’re going to encounter so many more difficulties in life. The way you deal with rejection, heartbreak and loss could be even more destructive and soul-destroying if you’re spending most of your time comparing your reactions to someone else’s.
I know what it’s like to be down, and to feel broken. And I’ve been called pathetic by people, been called stupid and needy, and been told more times than I can count that I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough. And what? I’m still here. Their valuation of me doesn’t count for anything because they aren’t in my life anymore. They were fleeting moments that never need to be dwelled upon. Don’t allow people to cause you to compare yourself. Don’t allow jealousy to creep in and cause comparison.
But another thing. There’s comparing yourself to someone else, but then there’s comparing someone who’s not you to someone else. This can happen a lot more than you would first think. You can be as happy as can be in your relationship but find you’re wishing your significant other was more like someone else’s significant other. No. Appreciate what you have in front of you. No amount of fancy travelling, or gifts, or loved-up Instagram posts mean that your relationship isn’t as strong, or as good, or as fruitful. Be a little kinder.
I hope that you’ll be a little less tough on yourself if comparison is something prevalent in your day to day life. You’re worth so much more.