life :: deception n perception

Just a lil’ warning that this post is probably gonna be a pretty deep one and I’m gonna bring up a few things that, if you’re sensitive or have completely differing views to mine, you may not want to read about.

When you feel as if there’s something wrong with you, a whole load of feelings and questions come after. Do I go see a doctor? Who do I speak to? Who is going to understand? Will anyone understand? From personal experience, the best thing you can do for yourself is take a deep breath. Sometimes, it’s the little things that save us.

Being a Christian, my second step can be listening to a preach. Usually a Lisa Bevere one. Totally obsessed with her. But sometimes, just listening to someone preach about anything, whether it is related to what I’m going through or not, realigns me and settles me.

See, the mind is easily unsettled. But your heart, dear one, is strong and steadfast.

And of course, step three, text my mum. Sometimes it’s my dad, but it’s usually the former. This is an important step as it lets those closest to you know what’s going on in your brain. Remember, things up there are not visible on the outside.

I also want to point out that life can be so deceiving. Everything around us is fabricated, whether material or natural, so it’s important to remember that society is to. We share beliefs and rules that we have created, and so what we are feeling and experiencing has also been fabricated.

I have finally kicked out one of the destroyers of happiness from my life: nostalgia. Lovely for the moments where you’re reminiscing but suddenly dangerous once you begin to live in the past. The text on the image below resonates with me so deeply. Nostalgia is indeed a dirty liar; one that no one need play silly beggars with.

 

On another note, I’ve been making a few changes in my life since the beginning of the month; mainly to make life easier for myself. It is perhaps cliché to say “simplicity is key”. But I find myself focusing on that phrase more and more. When everything is pared back; wealth irrelevant; social class irrelavant; educational level irrelevant; and glamour and fakery subtracted, all humans are equal. Regardless of those “things”, we are equal. I am so riled in my heart when I see or hear of inequality; my blood boils with anger.
After a catch up last night with Amy (my very best friend of 15 years in September), I find myself so filled with happiness. Offloading all your “stuff” and sharing it with people you trust really helps you let go and move on. You should never feel like you have to hold anything in to preserve face. Just say it. And then deal with the consequences. Yes, words can hurt so being mindful is important, but most words are better said than unsaid.

One of the biggest things I have learned is to just be yourself. Everyone says it constantly. “Just be yourself”. Yet they forget to add the warning “it’s not easy” afterward.

And, if you need some words of wisdom or inspiration…

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing. -Camille Pissaro

 

Kulayrosas as a blog has been going for a solid 3 years now, and I’m finding that its more a part of my identity now than ever before. It’s the one thing that brings me comfort and solace, but also defines me.

I began this blog to practice writing, not just to one day take to a journalism corporation and be like “hey look I’m an established writer and have my own blog”. It was never even really about that to begin with.

Of course, my plan is to make it much bigger and that’s something aside from university that I really wan to work on. Writing is perhaps my strongest passion, and I have so many other plans aside from blogging every week or so but for now, this is where I am at.

In my next post, I’ll be talking a bit more about being a dreamer and my future, so I don’t want to delve too much into this here.

*I am so annoyed right now, I just wrote a pretty amazing 1,000 words and it’s all just disappeared.*

Right. I don’t know how I started now. I’m so annoyed. Gee, thank you WordPress, thanks a bloody lot.

Basically…it went something like this…

Today is “Time to Talk” day and so I feel writing a piece on mental health is somewhat apt. 

So, here’s my story. It began in Year 11 when the dreaded words “mock exams” were mentioned. I completely stressed out, in turmoil. Today, it seems pretty petty but at the time, I just couldn’t cope. 

I spent two weeks sleeping off and on, sleeping one night and then not sleeping the next. My brain was frazzled, and confused and I isolated myself. 

My best friend was there for me like only I could have needed and I’m glad to say she’s still there for me as much today. Nowadays, my friends and I are much more open. Having matured, we share all of our problems, of any kind and Skype call and visit each other whenever possible. They’re my rocks and I love every single one of them to pieces. 

I used to take medication for my anxiety, andro be honest, I could do with still being on it sometimes. But, I just can’t deal with the memory loss it causes. Like, when things got really bad last year, and I would take the diazepam nearly every day, I would find I had blond spots in my memory. I still can’t recall much of some of last February, and in all honesty, I would rather not. Nevertheless, the medication did help, and knocked me out for a few hours, calming my mood and my heart. 

But anyway, I’m medication free now, and find other ways to cope with the little panic attacks I have every now and then. 

There are some things though I that I do want to talk about. Some things I have learned. I did this in a previous post and got lots of positive feedback, so I’m thinking I will make it a regular thing. Then at the end of 2017, I will compile the list of lessons I’ve shared with you. 

So here goes, your lessons for this week…

1. Take time to heal. Give your self ample time to move on, particularly after a break up. Eat as much crap as you want; watch as many soppy romance films or Disney as you want; cry as much as you want. Even if these are not the things you would do, do whatever is going to help you. Try not to just jump to another person, as I’ve found this just leads to more heartache and confusion for all involved. 

2. Spend less time thinking about your worth. Don’t get bogged down worrying about how much people value you, or how much you value yourself. Love yourself to the ends of the earth, but not focus on it. Focus on higher things. Greater things. 

3. Don’t waste time on your appearance. You look how you look. No amount of makeup will change it, nor will it make you feel better about your bushy eyes, the gap between your teeth, or your chubby cheeks. More than likely your a beautiful human inside and out. We’re all different and diversity should be celebrated. All that matters is having a pure and caring heart, a powerful mind, and willingness to grow and to learn. 

Love, 

Anna 

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