I’m not usually one for romance films, despite being a total romantic and dreaming of the perfect kind of love. (I feel sorts sad admitting that, but I think part of everyone desires perfect, unenhanced, raw love.)
However, on Sunday night (or should I say Monday morning considering it ended at 2am), I watched the most gorgeous film: Me Before You.
I then watched it again last night with company, with the most beautiful sunset in the background.
Firstly, my critique. The title bears no obvious relevance, other than being very love-orientated. I guess maybe it links to the ending, which I certainly won’t spoil for you. You have to watch it.
Despite the above, I relished in the film. It lifted my spirits after some news, yet tugged on heart strings I didn’t know existed too. It made me feel whole, complete, and reminded thatcakthough love is fleeting, it is to be lived and enjoyed.
I loved that it was about romance and love, and falling for someone, rather than infactuation, lust, and sex. Life really isn’t all about that.
So this film has kind of, not even kind of cos here I am, prompted me to write a post on dating… I’m not quite sure sheet I’m going with this at the moment, but as long as you find it readable then that’s enough for me.
So this post is another loosely love-related one, but with more of a focus on dating. Now, hands up, I am no expert. So if in the following 2,000 at most words I make wildly untrue claims then call me out. But other than that, please respect all opinions, beliefs, and views that I hold.
I’m going to start with a few home truths.
Ok so Tinder, the notorious everyone-is-one-it-just-to-get-some (sex) app. What can I say about Tinder.
Well, I’ve always thrown it back to: it’s not who uses it, it’s how they use it. And I still stand by this.
Bearing in mind I was (off and) on Tinder for just short of a year, my experienced range from ridiculous to cute.
Sure, I dated a handful of guys; something like 3 or 4, but none of them really went anywhere. And this is where I find fault in the modern dating style: online.
The problem I have is…you never really know the person. Unless you’re uber open and honest and direct and rambly and a majorrrrrrr chatterbox like moi, it can be difficult to get anything out of your (let’s call them this to make life easier) “date”, and you may never understand your “date”´s personality. Especially not after one meeting. (Please don’t do a me and kid yourself into thinking they’re super great for you, to only be rejected 30 minutes post-date.)
But then I even have a problem with what I view online dating’s problem is. In my limited dating experience, I’ve proven “you never really know someome” to be true.
I don’t think (to be brutally honest) there’s been a guy yet that has opened up fully, and it’s tough. Especially when you’re crazy like me and you don’t stop enquiring about deep stuff.
This, with me being an unpredictable, hormonal, 19 year old female, is all going to be heavily biased and may even seem like I’m attacking men. Or the guys I’ve previously dated, who I’m praying are not reading this right now. But please don’t read into it in such a way, I’m just accounting my stories.
FAITH N CHRISTIANITY
Actually deciphering what God may think about dating in the Bible is a lot more difficult than it may seem. Because see, there’s plenty on marriage, adultery, sex before marriage, etcetera, etcetera. However, dating?
Non-committed in the eyes of the law? What?! Nooooo. Thats what is running through my head at 02:26am on Monday when I started tying this anyway.
So what did I do? I Pinterest-searched it.
And I semi-proved my theory.
There’s plenty of advice on waiting (i.e. abstaining from sex until you are married), and on marriage. But the actual oh-sweet-Jesus I’m falling for him, or oh-sweet-Jesus he’s so cute kind of thing? Nah.
And I believe this is what I missed out on. I think I needed teaching on this during my long-term relationship with another Christian.
You really have to read this article from SoulScripts before reading any further.
There seems to be a lot of mixed signals, confusion, heartbreak, and many good things ending with ambiguity and silence instead of with closure and honesty. There’s a growing fear of commitment as millennials swipe left and right through the virtual catalog of possible mates the internet offers. And when one after another seem to crumble without warning, far too many are left asking: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think modern dating does really leave us wondering if there’s something wrong with us. The rejection on the surface isn’t quite as severe, but it’s no less painful or heartbreaking than when you met some in person and dated from there in out.
Now Tinder, and the other various websites I know people use, have nothing inherently wrong with them. And I know of many good, loving relationships that have started out in such a dating apps/websites.
I feel like Jordan Lee really hits it on the head when she says it’s like we’re chasing butterflies. The whole of society is obsessed with those flutterings of the heart, and the initial infactuation stage, that real love is lost or if not lost, clouded. Butterflies fly away, and so do many “loves”. We shouldn’t be chasing them.
SEARCHING AND FORCING
Something I’ve been comin to terms with is the idea of searching for love, and forcing love.
You can easily take your friend who’s a guy/girl and be like we’d be perfect together, let’s date. But that idea could just be in your head. You’ve really got to contemplate what they’re thinking.
Some friendships are better off left as friendships. That’s all they were ever meant to be. We can’t force these things.
Simultaneously, searching for love never proves to be unsuccessful. When I think of my long-term relationship, we could’ve known each other years before we met as we had so many connections, but we met in a moment and it took 3 months for it to develop into what it became.
Natural is always better.
Now, I’m not a patient kind of person. I grab life by the balls and run full speed ahead with it. And as much as I think waiting, in terms of waiting for love – I’m not talking sex here, is lovely, and sweet, it’s just not realistic.
No way am I about to sit around on my arse all day. No, I’m going to get out of the house and make myself known to the world.
It’s the only way you make friends, let alone begin dating someone or start a relationship.
Your perception of love, and the way you love, is all dependent on who you are, and how you were brought up. Surrounding relationships may influence you, but what you and someone else share is completely your own.
Get yourself a guy/girl who will drive you around just so you can take pictures for your Instagram, who will take you to the beach when it’s 4degrees, and one who constantly tells you how beautiful your smile is.
Love is always better when it’s unexpected.
I just want to end with some of Jordan Lee’s words…
Because whether or not you’ve met Prince Charming, you’re still a princess.
Know why? Because your Father is the King of Kings.
So reclaim your crown.