life :: new found strength

This time I personally took time out of blogging to allow things in my life to settle, and for me to reach a place where I felt strong enough to write again.

It has been a summer of weird feelings. Not even a summer, but an autumn too. It’s been like a slow rollercoaster that I can’t get off of, but it takes a two-day sabbatical every now and then. Those moments give me space to enjoy things, to breathe and to take in the view. What I am very abstractly describing right now is what some others may deem as depression. Who knows quite what form, who knows what intensity, and quite frankly, who cares. I am learning to accept this state so that I can learn and grow. I know this season will prove helpful for future seasons. I rest easy knowing I am still loved and valued, even when my self-love slips. Indeed I try not to let my faith waver in these times, but I won’t be untruthful. It does waver. I question constantly. But I still come back to the warmth inside of me when I am reminded of that love from above.

It has been good to take a break from writing and have time to refresh. For now I feel much more myself and able to express freely again. And it’s from periods like these that I learn about myself, and how to be more resilient.

Ok so enough about my personal life, and some more topical discussions I want to begin. Two things have sprung to mind lately, and funnily enough one was written about on a Christian blog I have an email subscription to. I’ll start with that one. You can read it before my thoughts, or after, by clicking here.

It is that God never calls us to be nice. And I guess for some that may be a bold statement, perhaps even an unexpected one. But as Garrett Thompson writes, it is important that we remember the world we live in. “We live in a world that is desperate for actual courage, honesty, deep kindness, and sacrificial love.” Sometimes that doesn’t always mean niceness. We should only look to be nice if it is true, true of our nature, and what is necessary. It shouldn’t be that to get people on our side we are nice to them, to show them the way of Christ is not to be nice to them. It is to love them. And we all know there’s many types of love. Tough love too.

The other talking point I want to address is General Election related. And no, I am not about to discuss the result, or my political opinion, and definitely not who I voted for. Rather, I feel a bit dismayed about how people have acted regarding the election. Not the politicians but the voters. To see people on Twitter slate people who voted “Tory” and outright blame them for future poverty angered me. Or the opposite of those rubbing it in Labour voters’ faces. I’m really taken aback by the lack of good feeling across the country, and wish people would work together more. At least listen to each other more, and not fall foul to the tribalism that is happening. To decide friendships on political opinion is like deciding friendships on religion or race, or at least it is reaching that stage in this country. I find it difficult too to be part of a generation that claim to be Labour yet are in great places of privilege and want things for free. We are not struggling like so many others, and we could actually make so many changes by being active in our communities rather than passing hours of our days scrolling through Instagram and spewing out our idle opinions on Twitter. It saddens me. I hope we will grow. And I’m sure we will in our own way.

After months of endless job searching, I have also now been offered a job which I am delighted to say I have accepted. I am excited for a new beginning and 2020 looks set to be brighter than 2019.

While this past year has had its many, many challenges, I am grateful for what it has taught me. It has taught me to not be too hard on myself, and to remember that grades do not define me nor my future. It has taught me to cherish family time, to take care of those immediately around me and to love them. It has taught me how hard love can be, but how wonderful it is too. I’m thankful to have learned so much this year, and to have been supported by some incredible and wholesome people.

I hope to provide you with some more of my musings soon. But before I go, I’d like to read some of Morgan Harper Nichols’ words. I find her poetry so beautiful, and it both touches and resonates with me at the times when I need it most. Today she has shared some things we can should give. And giving warmth resonated with me the most.

Plus, listen to Alter Bridge’s Life Must Go On. It might just be what you need to hear.



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