life :: an outgoing introvert

So it’s Wednesday, weekday boredom has already set in. This time last week, I found myself blogging in a lecture, while making notes for said lecture. Multi-tasking at its finest? Maybe.

A friend from my church (Kings Church, Bolton) at home shared such a relatable article from ThoughtCatalog yesterday, and so I felt I had to begin a blog post on the topic.

The article was this. Basically, my friend was suggesting she’s an “outgoing introvert”. Now I completely relate to this. If you ever meet any of my friends, or even myself in person, you’ll see me as this confident, outgoing, bubbly individual. I’m seemingly very comfortable in my own skin, I make conversation easily and can hold it, and am not afraid to be completely myself.

We are rare, creative, and magical creatures. We are full of depth, emotion, and passion all mixed together and baked in a beautiful pie.

However, I would still class myself as introverted. In reality, I’m plagued with anxiety, mild panic attacks, and a lack of confidence in my bodily appearance. I spend most days, when I’m not in uni, indoors, probably in bed moping, blogging or reading.

Everyone knows everything about my life, yet I only trust a very small handful, probably more of a pinch, of people. I’m always happy to share my experiences whether verbally or written in a blog post, but I prefer to keep special things to myself, things that should stay intimate.

I tend to spend a lot of time with myself, in my own company, or in my own head. It’s the way I have been for years now. Even my mum has mentioned before that I used to play by myself a lot. It’s not necessarily because I’m selfish, although I do like to get my own way. And so, I suppose, playing out when I was little and even being by myself now at times, allowed me the freedom I wanted. And from that, I am much more independent. I know I can confidently walk alone, whether into a situation, or out of one, and God will be by my side every step of the way.

This has resulted in a strength that has diminished my demons, and kept bad thoughts at bay. I have become confident in myself, and learned so much more about myself through spending time with my soul.

I’m back to making some random points or, truths, that I feel some of you may need right now. Something, and I assume it’s God, is pushing me to share these and so here we go:

  1. Don’t deny your  own power. Whether you believe your gift is God-given or not, you’re talented and unique. We’re loved uniquely by him, and that gives is strength to continue and power
  2. Listen to Lady GaGa’s new album Joanne when you have a moment in which you feel every single emotion possible. A Million Reasons gets me right in the feels, and I relate to every lyric.
  3. Don’t go back to someone. They may have loved you, but in the long run, if they chose someone else over then you really have to question their reasoning for crawling, and OH I MEAN CRAWLING (cos it’s pathetic), back to you.
  4. Keep going. Giving up is pointless and you’ll spend more time wasting your life away than getting on in life.

 

I saw something, also from ThoughtCatalog (surprise, surprise), that I thought I would fill out. So here’s to getting to know me better…

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

What a question. Well, I have discussed this before, but in Year 11, I battled some anxiety demons. I, with a heck of a lot of support, made it through, and have learned a lot about myself from that time. It made me strong, and resilient. Nothing beats me, or gets me down anymore.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

Not to sound pretentious, but I don’t often feel weak. However, I was rather vulnerable after my relationship broke down last year, and I let a lot of people step on me, and take advantage of how lost I felt.

3. Where is the one place you feel most like yourself?

I feel most like myself when I am typing a blog post actually. There’s something about writing freely, particularly if I’m journaling by hand, that opens me up. I feel safe, and accepted when I write. And the flow of expression allows me to breathe easier.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

Where I live at home, there’s a lovely little walk you can go on down to a river, with a few cute little bridges. That would be my favourite escape place.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

My Gran is perhaps, if not definitely, the number one influence on my life. She’s strong, independent, self-taught intelligent, and hilarious. Everything I want to be for the rest of my life.

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

The only thing I would change is I would be physically fitter. I have started to go to the gym, but I need to keep going, and keep eating better.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

If I had one day left to live, the first thing I would do is get all my friends and family together from every country around the world, and throw a massive party.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

I think I’m in the right era now.

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

Despite my sister and I being super close, I think I am closest to my mum. We share everything, and I see her as not just the best mum in the world, but a friend, as I can trust her, love her spirit, and I know she’s there for me every step of the way.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

The friend I’ve made while at university, Alice, who I can truly say is one of the bestest friends I’ve ever had, definitely knows me best. In the short space of three months, we opened up to each other. We share everything, and have spent almost every day together for the whole of term 2 at university.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

Since I’ve mentioned Alice, I will keep talking about her. Alice’s quality that I admire most is her determination. She’s intelligent and diligent, constantly putting her mind to her work. It inspires me, and I admire it. She makes me proud, and makes me want to improve my own work ethic. Love you, gal.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

When I was younger, I dreamed of being a fashion designer. It’s all I could imagine being.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

I’d love to be Nikki in Silent Witness. It’s a pretty dark show but its so exciting, and she’s such a great actress.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

Compliments are always nice, right? Let’s be honest, there’s nothing better than when you’re complimented, particularly by a member of the sex you like. Sometimes I take them well, but other times, I can be a little awkward about it.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

I like my eyes, and my fashion sense, but it would have to be non-physical.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

As I said, I like my eyes. So I would probably say they are my favourite physical attribute.

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

My favourite attribute about myself is my heart. Not to blow my own trumpet, but I am a very caring, and forgiving person.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

There was one time I could have said yes, although I had spoken to the guy for a few months before we actually met.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

Yes, yes, yes. Soulmates, in my opinion, do exist. But, I believe there are a variety of them, including friends, not just boyfriends/girlfriends.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

I read them, I relate them to my life. But I don’t let them overpower my faith, and the words I live by.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

I’ve only ever been in love with someone once, I’ve fallen for plenty of people, but never been in love with them.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

Bit soppy, but I’m a suck for a cheeky grin.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

I think there a different forms of vulnerability. But, emotional vulnerability is what I think of most when I hear the word. Being in love makes me vulnerable.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

I am far too open and honest and would ask a man anything lol.

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

J mean like, bow do I even answer this.

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

Women are just beautiful creatures.

I find men’s confidence attractive.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

Why we fall for people the way we do.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

Bungee jump. I’m a bit of a thrill-seeker.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

Not exactly the easier thing to arrange.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

Fashion Editor. Ill get there one day.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

Have a duvet day.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

A guy lol.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

 Being tickled.

34. What is your favorite memory?

Playing with my sister when she was a baby.

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

Tripping up in public.

36. What is your biggest fear?

Waking up and being alone in the world.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

Would rather not answer this.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?

Nope. And there isn’t. I suppose I’ve gone over the speed limit, but who hasn’t?!

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

High ropes course in Germany.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

Yes, I do all the time haha.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

Yes. It would be rude not to.

42. What’s your favorite joke?

I don’t have one.

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

I can’t decide. I love both.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

A dolphin.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

Dont have one.

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

Well, my gran said I was an angel.

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

15 and tell myself that it doesn’t matter I wasn’t a size 8.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

God.

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

My openness.

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

I mean, I don’t have a boyfriend  but I have everything else so its not a massive deal.

 

So there you go, you know me pretty well now cuties.

I was going to end this post here, but I fancy sharing more things I have been feeling lately.

ThoughtCatalog have an awesome article on waking up without a “good morning text”. Now, I was in a relationship once and it was lovely to wake up to a message from your significant other. Definitely something to make your day.

But just because someone doesn’t message you first thing in the morning, before you wake up, you are still special, beautiful and important to the world. Please never let any disbelief cloud that.

There’s a particular way you laugh that can make an entire room light up, if only for a moment in time. There is a way you tilt your head when you are concentrating that makes you look unbearably kissable – as if you were placed on this earth only to stare at things and frown in the most endearing form humanely possible. There is a noise you make when you are falling asleep – a soft, almost inaudible sigh that sounds like the ethereal embodiment of all that is tranquil and calm. There are a thousand minute intricacies that make up the tapestry of who you are and not a single one has ceased to exist since the last time that somebody loved you.

Cute, ain’t it? But that’s the truth right there.

 

Love,

Anna

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